Smoking Gun Beating Heart

A lot of folks harp on about food and drink matches of the premium kind. Many have asked what I have learnt in my year working for a wine magazine? The answer? Well clearly, not as much as I should have…

I’m the sort of gal who will, on occasion pay $50 for a bottle of wine and $5.50 for my dinner and then spend two hours in the gym the next day hating myself for it.

With that in mind here are 5 easy ‘shit food, good wine’ matches you’ll probably thank me (or hate me) for.

1.Lamb Souvlaki & 2012 Bindi Pinot Noir.

I didn’t have the pleasure of tasting Bindi Pinot till this year, but by god it’s good. It’s the strong sensitive new age guy of the wine world. All the masculine undertones without punching you in the face when you’re not looking like Shiraz (and no I don’t mean that nasty girl at the pub) tends to do (stop pretending tannin isn’t an asshole). Dresses up a dirty souvo’ like you’ve never seen before (go light on the garlic sauce tho’ or you’ll miss the whole damn point).

2.Stanton & Killen Topaque (any year will do!) and Fruit Loops.

 Whoever said wine isn’t for breakfast wasn’t drunk enough.

There’s nothing quite like posh perfume factory sweetness pretending to love you (like a stripper you could never quite afford) alongside artificial colours & flavours that have are more morse code than food group. Sure, the name change from Tokay to Topaque sounds like a Kanye West divorce settlement but don’t fight the rainbow. This is a class battle worth fighting (in your mouth).

3. 2012 Dandelion Vineyards ‘Fairy-tale of the Barossa Rosé” & Fairy Bread.

Fairies are meant to be together and well, it doesn’t take bag of glitter to figure this one out. Butter. Bread. Sugar, saved by all the dry and crisp of a Gwyneth Paltrow lunchbox. Let wild yeast and unfiltered run free with bleached bread and watch the magic.

4.2012 DJL Xanadu Margaret River Chardonnay & Phat Bratz Po’ Boy.

This is the late night snack of the pre-planning champion. You want to have this baby cooling in your fridge BEFORE you go out, so that by time you’ve had your fourth Negroni (and the boys at the Black Pearl give you the gentle nudge you’ve been telling the same story for 40 mins) you can grab your Po’ Boy next door and run. This mix is so good that I’m waiting for one of Melbourne’s hospo ‘kings’ to serve it with a side of deep fried kale (*cough* wankers) and charge $50 for it .

5. 2012 Le Sorelle Shiraz with Kangaroo & Chips. 

So Disclaimer straight up, I worked on this wine and by ‘worked’ I mean I spent an afternoon moving stalks from one pile to another whilst wearing gumboots and swearing loudly. Which means, pretty much, I am a fucking farmer! In any case, this one takes some re-con to perfect your ideal match. Go to The Napier (Pub in Fitzroy for our players at home). Order the kangaroo with chips. Yes, chips. As soon as meal arrives clutch at stomach and in one arm movement sweep meal into oversized Olsen-esque handbag. Immediately leave venue (feign illness if you have to). Walk to Carlton gardens, open your wine and enjoy that shit, bitches. *** do not EVER do this after 4pm. The possums will ACTUALLY kill you (even our wildlife are gourmet in this town).

*** much booze was consumed in making this post. In fact. I’m drunk now.